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"The pain of losing a single child is extremely huge." Gao said. "When we visited them before initiating this project, we found most of them were still in deep sorrow. Now, they are all in their 50s and 60s. Who is going to take care of them when they grow older and how? This is a concern for our community and we hope we can help them through this project."
The Zhanlanlu Community's project is the first of its kind in Beijing. After its launch, many other communities have come to visit the New Hope Home and are preparing their own initiatives.
"These parents need more communication," said Gao. "As long as they find the right channel, they'll become more open."
With more people joining the New Hope Home project, in 2011, the community moved the facility to a 150-square-meter house nearby and spent months on renovation and decoration. On the walls of the home hang photographs taken by its participants. The room is divided into different parts, including a cooking area, a dining room, a reading room, a computer room and even a games room.
"I saw the members change during the decoration process," Gao said, "Some who were reluctant before would now give suggestions for the decoration."
After the new facility reopened, more people dropped in and about 50 became regular visitors. Organizers have held various activities and even organized a choir. Every Tuesday, the singing group gathers.
Zhao Hua, a member of the choir, used to be a primary school teacher. Her child died from cancer and her husband then divorced her.
"For a long time, I couldn't see the point of being alive and thought of committing suicide many times," Zhao said. "But here I can share this sorrow with people who have similar experiences, and I feel much better than before."
Now the participants seldom discuss sad stories from the past. Newly established friendships have given them something new to discuss and even if somebody does bring up the past, others listen silently for a while and then switch the topic.
"We don't want to stay in the past," Zhao said. "We have to accept the facts and move on. I knew this but couldn't manage to move on until I came here. I am a terrible singer but I enjoy singing in the choir so much."
Zhang visits the New Hope Home at least twice every week. "I see other participants more than my relatives. We cook together often and we now have many memories from the past two years," she said.
Zhang said that she has spent more time dressing herself and looking after her health and appearance. "It is a good sign," Gao said. "They pay more attention to their lives rather than living in the past."
Now more women participate in New Hope Home's activities than men. "It might be because men don't open up to other people as readily. But we really hope both men and women will come and try the facility," Gao said.
"Taking the first step is hard," said Zhang, who said she occasionally saw hesitant strangers wandering around the New Hope Home. "Every time we have a new visitor, I am happy, because another person can take the same positive steps we have taken."
Now there are 101 participants from 71 households in the New Hope Home. "This is just one community," Gao said. "In Xicheng District alone, there are more than 500 such households with parents over 49 years who have lost their only child."
Over the past two years, the community invested more than 1 million yuan ($158,730) in this project. "All the investment comes from public funds," said Gao.
"So money is not the concern of the project," Gao said. "The concern is that most of the participants are over 50 years old and they are deteriorating in the ability to take care of themselves."
The Beijing Municipal Government provides 200 yuan ($32) every month for each person over 49 who has lost their only child. "But it is far from what they need," Gao said.
Tian has high blood pressure. On one occasion when her maximum systolic blood pressure reached 190 mmHg, she went to see the doctor alone. The doctor was angry and asked, "Where are your kids? How could they let you come here alone?"
Tian didn't tell the doctor her situation. But she later told the story at a meeting in the New Hope Home, "I am afraid that even if I pass away, nobody will even know that I have died for quite a few days."
But not all the people are so pessimistic.
"I believe we will be taken care of well when we get older," said Zhang, who revealed her next plan is to travel long distances and see more of the country and the planet.
Email us at: yuanyuan@bjreview.com | 
