In September 2012, a couple in Henan Province divorced because the wife couldn't bear her husband's silence at home. "It is like I live alone," said the wife to divorce registration officials. "I have tried many times to get him to talk to me but none of my methods worked."

"This is a typical case of how the after-work silence damages family relationships," Dong said. "I am afraid the situation will only get worse." According to Dong, modern lifestyle permits less patience for communication.

Differing notions

"There is no such condition called after-work silence," said Wang Yuru, Director of the Shanghai Psychological Counseling Association. "It is just a social phenomenon, far from being a disease."

Wang prefers the word quiet to silence. "It is normal for people, after a long-day working in the office, to slow down and relax at home. This is an adjustment process," Wang Yuru said. "There is no scientific backing to categorize it as a psychological disease."

Wang's remarks were echoed by Tong Yongjian, a 26-year-old banker living in Beijing. "It is definitely not a big deal," said Tong, who lives alone. "Why not stay at home, listen to music, watch movies on my laptop and cook for myself? Why should I talk to other people and attend social activities even after work? To prove I am a normal person?"

Tong said that friends' dinner parties are mostly boring. "I also worry whether the food in the restaurants is safe enough," Tong said, adding that she happily spends most of her spare time at home.

However, according to Wang Yuru, family members should pay attention to uncharacteristic terseness especially if it is accompanied by insomnia or a diminished interest in activities, as together these may be signs of depression.

To deal with this, Wang Yuru suggested that psychiatrists should adopt different methods to different cases. Based on clinical experience, Wang Yuru said that men are more likely to be the silent ones at home than women. "Men and women use different methods to deal with pressure. Men prefer to stay alone while women prefer to share their worries with others. So in many cases, it is the husband who keeps silent at home and if the wife doesn't understand, family conflict will be triggered."

Fei Junfeng, a professor at Nanjing University in east China's Jiangsu Province, said that the first step is to verify the reason for a person to keep silent after work.

"For some people working in the service industry, they have to show every customer a smiling face even when they get offended, and they don't want to continue this condition after work," Fei said.

Chongqing Economic Times, a local business newspaper in southwest China's Chongqing Municipality, reported that a 24-year-old office lady, Duan Qichen, couldn't manage the relationship with her boyfriend due to her long silence on dates. "It is not that I don't want to talk to him," Duan said. "I just don't want to spread my bad mood to him so I think it is better for me to keep quiet."

The same things also prevailed between parents and children. "When the children have some problems at work, they prefer not to tell parents as that might make parents worry," Fei said.

But except for work, there are many other things to talk about. Why do people think work is the only topic of conversation? Fei said that modern people's lives are closely intertwined with work. "Many people almost have nothing else to talk about," he said.

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